A Definitive Guide to the Top 8 Resources for a Thriving Sex Life After Purity Culture
Purity culture and abstinence only sexual education were the best set up for a long, hard fall. From limited or no sexual experience to believing there will be severe consequences for having sex before marriage, the lack of knowledge and the negative core beliefs can make it extremely difficult to get started having sex and enjoying it once you do.
This comprehensive guide is a roadmap designed to support millennials in creating a thriving sex life after purity culture. We'll delve into various resources, from knowing your purity culture personality to nervous system regulation. It's not just about having sex; it's about doing it in a way that feels safe and fun all while staying connected to and communicating with your partner.
So, whether you've already had sex but would rather do it with the lights off or you haven’t had your sexual debut yet (a.k.a. “virgin” but we don’t use that word around here), this guide is tailored for you.
Resource 1: Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz
Overview of the Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz
The Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz is a quick (and fun?) way to find out how purity culture is impacting your dating and relationship choices, even if you don’t believe it anymore.
How the Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz Specifically Benefits Millennials
As a millennial raised in purity culture, you were taught things like: your body is bad; sex leads to babies or death; you need to be a good woman; men, you should, but can’t control how you act. After years of indoctrination, it’s hard to figure out on your own how the choices you’re making aren’t yours after all. The Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz provides you with personalized insights into the how your dating and sex life are negatively impacted by beliefs you no longer believe in anymore.
Unique Features or Offerings
This short quiz is designed to highlight which camp you land in:
The Determined One
The Empath
The Rebel
The Pioneer
You are unique and the way you respond to purity culture is unique. This isn’t a one-size-fits-all approach to recovery and neither are your results.
Why This Resource?
I mean, who doesn’t love a good personality quiz? Ammi right?
Let’s be honest–talking about dating, sex, purity culture, it’s kinda uncomfy. This quiz is an approachable way to get quick insights you’ll need for a thriving sex life. This quiz was designed by a purity culture survivor, therapist, and theologian who was thinking of you when she created this.
It’s me, hi 😁
I took everything I know and paired it down to the most bite-sized info possible about how purity culture is affecting YOU.
How to Integrate Post Purity Culture Personality Quiz Into Your Routine
Once you receive your results (don’t forget to press submit at the end!), you’ll immediately be sent your specific personality based on the challenges you’re experiencing in dating and having sex. Take note in your daily life of the ways your PPC Personality manifests.
CLUE: your friends don’t seem to do or think it (think: disgusted by making out, slut shaming other women).
If you’re dating someone, consider sharing the results. Remember, purity culture thrives on shame and secrecy. Healing takes place when you say “screw that and rather have a bangin relationship and awesome sex” and talk to your partner.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 2: O-p-e-n
Overview of O-p-e-n
O-p-e-n is a wellness app offering breathwork, meditation, and movement. It combines scientifically-backed resources for regulating your nervous system and moving your body in intuitive ways. This is a great entry point if you’ve never tried breathwork or meditation and a lovely way to be guided if it ain’t your first rodeo.
How O-p-e-n Specifically Benefits Millennials Recovering from Purity Culture
Whenever you are recovering from purity culture, your body has to unlearn the rules that you’ve adhered to for… basically ever. In that process, it is normal to feel stuck or panicked. What can help make this transition easier is having skills you can use to calm or kick start your nervous system when needed. O-p-e-n will even send you notifications so it’s easier for you to make meditation and breathwork into a habit.
Unique Features or Offerings
The first thing you’ll notice about O-p-e-n is their aesthetic. It practically embodies the “cool girl” aesthetic in a gender neutral, everyone belongs sort of way. Their vibe is not the only thing that stands out about them. They have taken recent developments in neuroscience and psychology to create the meditation and breathwork they offer on the app. It’s not only cool, but it’s good for you too.
Why This Resource?
As you begin to date and have sex, your nervous system is going to have a lot to say about that. Your nervous system might completely shut down or it might turn on panicked overdrive. Either way, it’s your brain telling your body (via your nervous system, like the USPS) that it’s detected a threat and you aren’t safe.
You will need to learn coping skills to communicate to your brain and your body that you are safe and it can kindly take a chill pill. O-p-e-n’s library of yoga, pilates, HIIT, and fusion classes can help your body move through anxious energy when you have it or feel into your body with restorative classes. You can even try one of their scream classes (no, I didn’t make that up) to unblock what’s keeping you stuck. Remember, your body is not the enemy!
How to Integrate O-p-e-n Into Your Routine
You’re busy, I get it. The good news is that you can skip the commute and try these simple, yet effective exercises to reclaim your relationship with your body. Set aside 10-15 minutes in the day and try a new breathwork exercise on the app. Set reminders and gamify nervous system regulation by challenging yourself to see how long of a streak you can set.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 3: From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide
Overview of From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide
From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide is a small-but-mighty resource guide designed to help you embrace sexuality and pleasure by offering accessible accommodations when sexiness doesn’t feel so natural. It does this by not assuming that everyone is starting at the same place. Tempted to turn the lights off when you have sex? We got you covered.
How the From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide Specifically Benefits Millennials
The From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide directly benefits millennials by addressing the shame that’s so pervasive after purity culture. Shame thrives with silence; this guide provides concrete solutions to the very abstract idea of sexiness. The guide helps millennials uproot shame allowing them to act natural and exude confidence in their sexual lives.
Unique Features or Offerings
What sets The From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide apart is its non-judgmental approach to sexuality. If you are working with negative beliefs about your attractiveness, sexiness, or inherent lovability in sex due to purity culture, this guide offers a self compassion practice as an antidote to that inner critic. Self-compassion sounds fluffy, but trust me, it isn’t easy.. Research shows that writing a compassionate letter to yourself for 7 days significantly reduces shame, self-criticism, and anxiety. Where do I sign up, ammi right?
Why This Resource?
The From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide is indispensable for millennials because it combines tangible recommendations with self compassion practices. Another research study has shown self compassionate letter writing improves body image, reduces depression, and decreases anticipatory anxiety. Pairing accessible accommodations with self compassion helps break from pervasive shame, a common issue among millennials recovering from purity culture.
How to Integrate the From Shame to Sexual Freedom Guide Into Your Routine
Pick one or two of the accommodations you’d like to try based on where you’re experiencing the most difficulty. Don’t want your partner to see you naked with the lights on? Start here. Decide to follow the prompts and write a self compassion letter to yourself every day for 7 days. Set reminders and place your journal by your bed or the coffee pot. Consider including the person you’re dating in the one or two accommodations you’d like to try. And observe the positive impact on your sex life and inner critic.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 4: Wildflower
Overview of Wildflower
Wildflower is an e-commerce platform for adult toys and sex education. Wildflower is a refreshingly honest approach to sex and sex education. They are setting the standard for adult toys that are 100% safe to use, designed for all bodies, and prioritizes shame-free sexual exploration. Wildflower challenges unrealistic expectations of sex and makes comprehensive sex education a central tenet of their brand.
How Wildflower Specifically Benefits Millennials
Wildflower can support millennials, like you, by providing you with easy access to sex education and explore shame-free pleasure. Educating yourself after purity culture is a tall order and Wildflower delivers on a range of topics, including how to’s, ethical non monogamy, toys, and mental health. Wildflower is working to change unethical and discriminatory approaches to sex and sexuality so that you can make peace with your body and enjoy pleasure without shame.
Unique Features or Offerings
Wildflower stands out in their industry for how high they’ve raised the bar. Their toys are safe to use and made for all bodies to use. Wildflower has a lot of great options for all genders to explore self pleasure or spice up your relationship with your partner. Getting used to pleasure is super important regardless of your relationship status. Yes, I said “getting used to pleasure” because growing up in purity culture said it was absolutely off the table, so it takes time for your body and brain to internalize this.
Why This Resource?
Many of my clients aren’t sure how to give a blow job (like, the mechanics of this) or whether masturbation is okay when they’ve grown up hearing it’s sinful. Wildflower offers many options for you to explore what feels good on your own so that you can communicate what feels good to a partner. Unlike what purity culture taught you, sex is not only for making babies and the likelihood that you’re going to die if you do it is slim (did you pick up the mean girls reference?). Wildflower is a great place to start your exploration journey.
How to Integrate Wildflower Sex Toys Into Your Routine
You might start first by thumbing through their sex ed articles or video topics for their response to questions you have. Topics you might be interested in include: vibrators for virgins, sex toys after trauma, developing better communication during sex.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 5: Reclamation Collective
Overview of Reclamation Collective
Reclamation Collective is a movement dedicated to creating space for people healing from religious trauma, spiritual abuse, and adverse religious experiences.. They offer a therapist directory of licensed mental health providers across the United States who specialize in religious trauma and seasonal support groups.
How Reclamation Collective Specifically Benefits Millennials
It can be extremely difficult to thumb through Psychology Today looking through the pages of listed therapists for someone who is even knowledgeable of religious trauma. Reclamation Collective eliminates that headache by creating an easy to use directory that shows you the specialist(s) in your state. You can also sign up for seasonal support groups for a safe place to deconstruct your faith.
Unique Features or Offerings
As a therapist and fellow purity culture survivor, I know how difficult it can be to find a competent therapist who knows how to help you heal from purity culture. This kind of thing wasn’t available when I was deconstructing, but lucky for you, Reclamation Collective has you covered.
Why This Resource?
If now isn’t the right time for you to start therapy, you can join a support group to meet other people and expand your community of people deconstructing their faith. Reclamation Collective also hosts themed in person gatherings for people deconstructing their faith. Current upcoming themed gatherings include sacred grief and queer joy.
How to Integrate Reclamation Collective Resources Into Your Life
If you are lacking people in your circle who can relate to your experience of deconstructing faith, this can be quickly remedied by joining one of their seasonal support groups. If you’re ready for hands-on support, check their therapist directory for a therapist specialized in religious trauma licensed in the state where you live (if you’re in Texas, Florida, or Massachusetts, it’s me hi 👋).
Ready to not be the only one you know the same doubts or experiences?
Resource 6: How to Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass
Overview of the How to Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass
This Masterclass is designed for millennials, like you, to not only reject purity culture, but to leave shame behind for good. In under an hour, you’ll learn my 3 part road map to dismantle shame so you can step into your sexual liberation era
How the Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass Specifically Benefits Millennials
The How to Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass directly benefits millennials by offering modern and relatable steps to take so you can live shame free. It helps you identify where purity culture still has its hooks in you and is keeping you from the relationship or sex life you’re yearning for.
Unique Features or Offerings
The Masterclass was created by a therapist and theologian who has lived experience to back it up (I’m talking about me 🙋🏼♀️). The How to Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass isn’t going to give you a bunch of fluff or leave you feeling hopeless about your future sex life. You’re going to learn concrete, relatable tips to set the stage for safe and enjoyable exploration, in less than an hour.
Why This Resource?
The How to Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass is indispensable for millennials as you learn how to take agency over your relationship with your body and sex. By recognizing patterns where purity culture has you stuck, you can take the next steps needed to leave the shame behind for good and enter your sexual liberation era.
How to Integrate the Embrace Pleasure & Find Sexual Freedom After Purity Culture Masterclass Into Your Routine
All you need to do is set aside an hour of time to dial in, watch the masterclass, and a few minutes afterward to jot notes on where you’re getting stuck and what you’re going to do about it. Next it’s action time. Based on what you learned in the masterclass, you’ll want to plug into your calendar what day and time you’re going to take the next step towards the relationship and sex life you’ve been yearning for.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 7: Pure Dating App
Overview of Pure
Pure is a dating app designed according to your rules without the shame. One way Pure does this is by giving women a chance to “be lead characters'' in their dating experience. Pure prides itself on being a sexually liberated and open-minded community that also cares about your safety and comfort. So if you’re ready to explore your sexual liberation era, Pure is a great place to do that.
How Pure Specifically Benefits Millennials
I’m gonna shoot straight with you. I’m a millennial, you’re a millennial. You’re busy, I get it. Time and again my therapist clients say they don’t know how they would date anyone if they weren’t meeting them on a dating app. So since everyone’s doing it…Let’s make it honest and authentic. Pure allows you to adjust the settings on who you’re looking for and what you’re into so that whether you’re in the mood to paint the town red or to netflix and chill, Pure’s got you covered.
Unique Features or Offerings
What sets Pure apart is your ability to customize the settings of what kind of dating or sex experiences you are looking for. They provide resources and community guidelines so you can utilize the app to find judgment-free, consensual sexual experiences. Pure strongly encourages creativity. Apps make dating so easy, and dare we say, boring? Pure is taking that back and challenging you to step up your game.
Why This Resource?
One of the things I love most about Pure is how it empowers women to be active participants in their own sex lives. Make a list of what you may like to try and get used to saying it–it’s sexy! Regardless of your gender or sexual identity, Pure wants to challenge body objectification and discrimination so that whether it’s your first time or it ain’t your first time around the block you can enjoy the fruits 🍑🍆 of healthy, consensual sexual liberation. 😉
How to Integrate Pure Dating Into Your Routine
Ready to start putting into practice changes you’ve made after putting into practice Resources 1-6? Try it out with a partner. Remember, this is about shame-free sexual and relational exploration. It’s a great time to enjoy all of your progress.
Want to learn more about this resource?
Resource 8: Peace Post Purity Culture Course
Overview of Peace Post Purity Culture
The Peace Post Purity Culture course is a step-by-step guide of how to heal from purity culture. If you’re ready to no longer be at war with your past religious beliefs in your dating and sex life…You’re in the right place.
How Peace Post Purity Culture Specifically Benefits Millennials
This course is designed to help purity culture survivors align their current, spoken beliefs with their lived reality as they reimagine relationships and reclaim their sexuality in spite of the pressure of their past indoctrination. If you desire a new experience in sex, dating, and relationships, but your past in purity culture is keeping you stuck, this is for you.
Unique Features or Offerings
In just 5 carefully-designed modules, this course will help you unpack your purity culture indoctrination and begin to align your current, spoken beliefs with your lived reality. Then you can resolve the shame and fear that comes from living a life separate from what you were told was “the only right way” for so long.
Why This Resource?
This curriculum was created by a licensed therapist who is also a purity culture survivor. The lessons and exercises are rooted in well-researched religious trauma therapy practices, so you can uncover how to eliminate your constant shame and guilt and get your body, brain, and behavior on board as you step into a life designed by your new beliefs. Go from internal conflict between sexuality and spirituality to living with the peace that comes with belief and life alignment.
How to Integrate Peace Post Purity Culture Into Your Routine
Binge this course in a weekend or move through it slowly. Whatever you choose, make sure to carve out the time to go through the workbook and all of the exercises. Lasting change isn’t made by knowing more, but by putting into practice what you know.
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Your next steps
These resources serve as your one-stop-shop, offering practical tips, shame-free exercises, and welcoming communities tailored for millennials recovering from purity culture. From seeing a therapist who specializes in religious trauma to trying adult toys for the first time, each resource plays a unique role in uprooting purity culture from your life and empowering you to walk confidently into your sexual liberation era.
Remember, sex and relationships are a place to express yourself and feel deeply seen. The beauty in this healing journey lies in discovering what resonates with you personally and integrating it into your daily life.
Explore these resources, try on what aligns with where you’re feeling stuck, and embark on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. The path to sexual confidence is unique for everyone, and these resources are here to be a sign post on your way.
Ready to date and have sex with confidence? Choose one resource to check out today and make note of how it helped you and what the next easiest step will be after that.
