4 Reasons Why You’re Stuck (And How to Actually Get Over Religious Trauma)
Does this sound familiar? You've been diligently deconstructing your faith and dismantling systems of oppression.
On the outside, it may seem like you're one step away from “self actualized yogi” status.
But here's the kicker: despite your efforts, you find yourself struggling to let go of the past and the church trauma.
Perhaps this has left you feeling you’re an imposter and everyone is going to find out that you don’t actually have it all together like they think you do and if they did find out they’d probably judge you for it.
This blog will shed light on the negative effects of religion on mental health and steer you away from the detours that lead to religious trauma syndrome.
In my 7 years of experience as a therapist who serves people healing from religious trauma and purity culture, I've gained valuable insights into why millennials, like you, may not be achieving the life alignment that you expect to come after you deconstruct your faith.
More often than not, it boils down to one of these key factors. Understanding these underlying reasons is often the initial step toward grieving a past you didn’t choose and infusing your present with meaning and purpose.
Reason #1 – Did You Know → Negative Effects of Religion on Mental Health
Ever find yourself spinning your wheels, unsure of why the past feels so present even though you don’t believe it anymore? It happens to the best of us.
One of the primary culprits behind feeling stuck is not understanding how religion negatively impacts mental health. For decades, scientists considered religion to have only positive effects on a person, but it wasn’t until the last few years that researchers have started to highlight the potentially negative consequences of spiritual trauma.
Picture this: you were taught your whole life that God is going to give you everything you need, but life has actually been really fucking hard lately, and if God gave you this, God must be cruel. That sense of being forgotten by God can leave you feeling guilty, bereft, and like you’re doing something wrong.
So, how do you overcome the negative effects of religion on mental health? What you need is a clear understanding of how what you are experiencing now is rooted in past religious experiences.
Understanding religious indoctrination is not easy to do on your own. It's a thoughtful assessment that can be achieved with journaling and the help of a trusted friend or therapist. Involving someone else in this may seem really vulnerable, but it is one of the best and easiest ways to know what you didn’t know. Since religious indoctrination is so embedded, many of the ways it’s influencing you will happen at an unconscious level. By taking the time to list out what is clearly affected by religion and asking a trusted friend or therapist to go through it with you, you can start to pinpoint growth areas that you can focus on.
Reason #2 – Spiritual Trauma and Church Trauma – It’s a Thing
Let me set the scene: you attended church three times a week and private school growing up, everyone you knew shared your same religious values, you know it’s having an impact on you now but you think you should be able to “just get over it”. Sounds familiar, right? But here's the truth: spiritual trauma isn’t something that you can think your way through or wake up and be fine with one day.
Church trauma isn't just about “wanting to sin and not feel bad about it”; it's an experience(s) that affects the brain and body the same way as complex PTSD (in similar ways as childhood abuse).
Here's the thing about church trauma: it impacts everything you know about yourself, others, the world, and the sacred. Whether you're a decade into your deconstruction of faith or right in the middle of your first crisis of faith, spiritual trauma can keep you holding onto the past, and feeling guilty because of it.
It was probably a solid 5 years after my very first crisis of faith. I was living in Boston, MA getting my Master of Divinity degree (later downgraded to a Master of Theological Studies because I wasn’t about to be in graduate school for a full 4 years, ain’t nobody got time for that). I had deconstructed the faith I was given and was in the process of reconstructing a new ethic and belief system. Not for the faint of heart. I was genuinely trying to match my actions with my new belief system. But it was freakin hard. I was fighting against my body’s conditioned, automatic responses to religious indoctrination and when I didn’t get it right I beat myself up about it.
Acknowledging spiritual trauma as a real traumatic experience is the first step towards learning the right coping skills to regulate your nervous system and living life on your own terms. From trauma therapy to a supportive, diverse community, there are plenty of strategies you can employ to combat spiritual trauma.
Reason #3 – You Are Holding onto the Past
Ah, the classic bump in the road: living like the past is present. This obstacle can wreak havoc on your relationships, self esteem, and life choices faster than you can say “religious trauma syndrome.” Let's break it down.
Holding onto the past is like keeping skinny jeans in your closet because “one day they’ll fit again.” They’re a ghost in your closet that doesn’t fit your body today and actually makes you feel worse about yourself just by their neatly folded presence in your wardrobe.
I get it. Noticing how your body has changed can be hard. It’s easy to think that those skinny jeans and the extra fluff are a living testament–or judgment–of your [read: a list of bad qualities that you want to get rid of]. Instead of just buying new pants that fit your body and make your 🍑look 🔥, you try to fit your body into a pair of jeans that weren’t made for it. It’s like asking it to do a job it wasn’t meant to do.
Now you might be wondering what the heck jeans have to do with religion or God… Whenever you’ve had a change of faith but you’re still holding onto the skinny jeans version of faith it’s like you’re trying to fit yourself or your understanding of the sacred into a version that is smaller, more rigid, and honestly less flattering. If you’re nodding along with all of this. You’re not alone.
It may be hard to believe, but once you heal from religious trauma then you get to live a life that feels authentic AND aligned. Instead of letting your past religious experiences or beliefs hold you back, why not feel the anger and grief of a life you didn’t choose so that you can move on?
In the end, whether you're afraid that letting go of your anger or accepting what happened justifies what happened, remember this: acceptance is not okaying. It’s saying this is what is here, this is my experience right now, without the resistance of trying to change it.
Reason #4 – It’s a Delayed Trauma Response
One of the biggest culprits behind feeling stuck is experiencing a delayed trauma response. Think of it like this: when you think of trauma, you imagine a car crash, a war veteran, or childhood or sexual abuse. You think of big T traumas and imagine an immediate negative response. I’ve got news for you. Religious trauma syndrome most closely mirrors complex post-traumatic stress disorder (or C-PTSD).
Here’s the deal: trauma is anything that is too much, too fast, too painful, for too long. That’s why it’s important to realize that trauma responses aren’t only for car crashes or war veterans. People who have experienced religious trauma or spiritual abuse also exhibit a delayed trauma response. Oftentimes, a person may experience a delayed trauma response once they’ve left the religious environment. The cherry on top of the cake is that often in these communities there is a general discouragement of seeking support for mental or emotional wellbeing, unless sponsored by the religious institution (read: not adhering to the same ethical standard as other therapists and may actually be pushy about religion). No bueno. Long story short: you can develop a trauma response to religious beliefs or experiences after they happened even if they weren’t big T traumas.
Finding qualified help if you’re experiencing a delayed trauma response doesn't have to feel daunting. It can be as simple as practicing nervous system regulation techniques, journal each day challenging negative beliefs, or working with a qualified therapist. The key is to approach it without judgment and a dedication to getting the support you need.
Feeling trapped by a past you didn’t choose is a common experience, but it doesn't have to be your permanent reality. By acknowledging the negative effects of religion on mental health and seeking support for a delayed trauma response caused by spiritual abuse, you can finally let go of the anger, grieve the past, and live a life on your own terms now.
Here's to collectively flipping religious trauma the bird🖕and living a peace-filled life. You've got this.
Are you interested in one-on-one support to get unstuck from religious trauma? Individual therapy might be the perfect fit for you.
Through individual therapy sessions, you'll have the opportunity to explore spiritual abuse, trauma responses, and emotional regulation in depth, tailored specifically to your needs and goals. Together, we can navigate the complexities of religious trauma and uncover strategies to help you achieve let go of the past and heal from religious trauma.
Don't hesitate to reach out today to learn more about how individual therapy can support you on your journey towards less triggers and more peace.
Schedule a 15 minute no-strings-attached consultation by clicking the button below.
